Sgrios Mass: Death of Self

How many deaths will befall me throughout the course of my life? I mean not those physical deaths at the hands of enraged and powerful beasts, but of the deaths of self; those moments in which we feel a piece of ourselves shatter and fall away? I speak not of how my mood might shift in the hours between breaking my fast and retiring to my chamber for sleep, but rather the pivotal breaks in our personality where something within us is completely and oftentimes painfully abandoned.
 
All of us here have experienced at least one death of self; as we walk these enlightened paths, it is important to remember that we all started our lives as mundanes. When we sparked to our new lives, one by one we drop the trappings of our humble existence and replace hay fork with sword, our blistered hands reach for wands instead of hoes. There is no grieving for the old self, very few of us, when we discover our sparks, even remember the days we spent toiling in the field. We feel no loss.
 
It is sometimes helpful to think of bodies as host to the creatures of the self. Within us exists a complicated ecosystem of personalities all working in unison with -- or working against -- the others who dwell there. Along the journey of our lives we will take on fresh passengers and others will leave when you turn a direction they no longer seek to travel. Oftentimes we absorb personalities from the people we are close to, our partners and our friends.
 
So what do we do when it comes time to kill a part of ourselves? When darkness grips our lives and commands our daily moods, it can be difficult to overcome the weight of our weakness. Still, it must be destroyed, yet we often spend such lengthy periods feeling depressed that it feels a betrayal of one’s true self to seek happiness. This can be a dangerous seduction.
 
I am hardly a young woman anymore; age has had it’s way with my body. I am not as spry as I once was, and perhaps my hair has lost some of it’s golden lustre to silver. I have lived, though, and continue even now to do so. In my time as an Aisling, a short twenty-nine deochs, I have felt the complete death of self four times. The first came when I sparked as an Aisling; the second reincarnation came when I lost my first love and took the title of Paramour. The third and most important was finding myself in Sgrios and dedicating myself wholly to Him. Even recently I have been reborn through passion and have seen my flickering spark burn, once more, as a raging fire.
 
I am curious of the deaths we experience in the course of our lives; should one gain mastery over this controlled decay you could truly harness the ability to create yourself in any image you so desire. Most importantly, I urge you not to fear the death of the living; for, as with all manners of decay, this leads only to fertility and fortification. Embrace these moments of death! For, though it may hurt, it is important to feel these tinges of loss in order to appreciate the brilliance of life.

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