Sgrios Mass: Glass Prisons

I wrote this after a long slumber. It reminded me of the first time I truly woke up. No, it was not when Deoch gave me my spark. That was AN awakening. I'm speaking of the first time an awakening was MINE. The first time I even met Sgrios.

I met Sgrios on the day I finally stopped pretending. As I lay on the ground screaming and crying with the pain of shattering everything I thought I knew about myself. The pain and joy of giving birth to myself. Of being saved from oblivion.

**takes a deep shaky breath, emotional**

The pain and ecstasy of being unraveled

**smiles at everyone**

As I lay on the ground, He gathered my fears like so much broken and scattered glass, Sgrios asked me, "Why do you carry what clearly needs release. These sharp, insidious barbs of pain made from ruined pieces of your spark? Aren't you tired?"

And I was. I was so tired of making myself small. Of breaking myself into pieces easily swallowed by people that I should have let choke on me. Tired of being afraid to be alive because my joy TERRIFIES the mediocre. I was tired of living someone else's life! I wanted to finally live me my own!

"Yes, My Lord. My Lord Sgrios. I am tired. I am so very tired. I beg of you. Please. Grant me respite."

**Dharma is clearly holding back tears**

Then there was quiet. So silent that it hurt to be in it. The loudest quiet I have ever known....and then, like all of the broken pieces of me, the silence shattered. A DIVINE ROAR!!! The cacophony of my old life cracking open. He......unraveled me. Pulled the viscera and gore of suffering from me. Rotted away the pain of being unseen and unknown.

**she giggles some**

I will never forget the playfulness with which He administered His most sacred of medicines. How He approached my unraveling as if it was His most prized obligation and His favorite party trick. It should have terrified me, broken me! It was excruciating! All of this was happening in the span of a breath.

I begged him, "Please stop!" because I was afraid. Then I begged him "Please, don't stop! Don't leave me here!", because I was more afraid of living in that old life. It was too much. Too overwhelming. and yet it was the most gloriously intimate and spiritual experience of the whole of my existence.

To be joyfully unraveled, to be a feast for My Lord.

He gleefully fed upon the broken parts of my spark. The crunch of glass and gravel is he chewed and laughed. Reveling in the revelations he could show me. A lesson while he broke me. 

The opinions of others that I mistook for my identity. The belief that I could not write my own story.

LIES! PTOOEY! **stage spits in disgust**

HEINOUS FALSEHOOD!!

This EVIL lie that was fed to me, to many of us. I was conned  into pushing all I was, my SPARK, into a teeny tiny jar made of fear. My fears, and the fears of others.

Before meeting Sgrios taught me better, my logic would be this: When you try to keep a raging fire in a jar only one of two things happens. The jar smothers that flame, or the flame shatters the jar. Oh I was so badly mistaken.

Sgrios reminded me that the jar, much like everything else, is destined to meet its end. It was not some invincible oddity that gets to ignore the rules. The jar is breakable, just like you and me. Why did I think my spark HAD to be in a jar? Why did I think I had to fight my way out? The jar would break without my spark inside if I just DROPPED THE DAMN THING!

**deep dramatic sigh followed by quiet giggle**

I owed NO ONE living in or holding that jar! I was only carrying it out of habit, out of a sense of duty to someone else's idea of me. Refusing to let the rot take it. Afraid to surrender it to the decay. 

In ending me, he gave me the greatest gift I have ever known. He rotted away the dead and fettered and so gave me the space to grow a new life that brings me deep joy. Deoch may have given me my spark, but it is Sgrios who gave my life and spark value. It is Sgrios that makes me brave. It is Sgrios that makes me feel the most alive. The most me I could be, every day. 

*smiles at everyone*

So, with wish to meet you all with my authenticity. With words chosen thoughtfully and carefully and spoken with the utmost reverence to Our Lord. I will conclude this mass with a short verbal prayer.

**arms aloft, head high, voice loud & proud**

Oh Lord Sgrios!

Skath everyone that has ever tried to put anyone in a GODS DAMN JAR!

Guide us to undo those glass prisons of lies.

May we shatter them against their damned faces.

I pray it cuts them and scars them forever.

HAIL SGRIOS!

**holds arms aloft and head high as she prays**